WHY "Never give up!" is a good adage - tips for men - my experience

WHY "Never give up!" is a good adage - tips for men - my experience

When you give up you simply guarantee yourself failure. The crisis I had with women is over and it did not begin with what I did to my image but with my self-image. It becomes increasingly hard to change things when you are not willing to admit that there are some things you need to let go of in order to let new things into your life. One thing I had to let go of was my fear.

Many say that fear is a natural insctinct. When ,as in the prehistoric days, faced with trouble the adrenalin in your blood stream assists you in doing one of two things 1.Fighting; 2.Fleeing. But in a social context the easiest impulse is usually fleeing. The irony is that unlike back in the prehistoric days when we used to flee from saber tooth tigers, nowadays we flee from women(the very source of a good portion of our joy). The either impulse being to 'fight' comes into play when we become too afraid to express our true intentions and hold a façade; pretending as if we don't need them when we actually do. Or getting the courage to approach a woman but being too aggressive and reactive to responses which you find offensive.

One other aspect of fleeing that I found interesting was that in my interactions with women I would either flee from the women, or flee from myself as I would attempt to portray a false image of myself based on assumptions I have about what women think of as an ideal guy. The other aspect of 'fighting' was not only constricted to fighting rejection by being overly safe and defensive in my interactions but also the fact that I would fight myself after every unsuccessful interaction or lack of interaction. Paranoia also comes into play when you start feeling like every women is out to reject you.

"Why do I have this uncontrollable fear of beautiful women?" was the question that I later asked myself  in life and the answer I found was left to my perception of these women. I knew that I should change my wrong perception and bias about this group of individuals sooner or later in my life.

But this epipheny came in a very odd way - it came through a person who's now a good friend of mine. This friend of mine was the type of person I would never in a million years associate myself with because in my mind I saw him as inferior and unpolished, "too ghetto" - he was the type of person you would pass on as a gangster and hoodlum from afar. I am ashamed to admit that - but in life we learn.

He was a tenant at my father's house so he lived in the back room and worked a very modest job. The bias that I had about the person he was ,was not based on my genuine observation of his character but just my observation of the tone of his loud, rough voice, his dark complexion, his "tsotsi - taal" and odd fashion sense. In response to this bias of mine I didn't greet him nor talk to him but then later needed somebody to run with in the morning, and he also used to go jogging in the morning. So I abruptly decided to introduced myself and we started jogging the following day. More than anything I started learning. I was baffled by how wrong I was about him and I learnt a lot from him; had a lot of good laughs with him; had a lot of constructive conversations with him and I decided to dispose of my false sense of piousness since meeting him. The same person whom I judged blatantly is the same person of whom I now love as my brother. So since then I see people differently and accept them for who they are and also accept myself for who I am. It was this friendship that made me find some peace and enlightenment of sorts.

Another level of fear was the fear of being a man despite my desire for having more romantic relationships with 'women' in my life. how did I expect to become a suitor to any woman if I did not want to be the man in the relationship. I am still in the process of figuring out what that means. But since I have analysed the problem which terminally put me in the 'friend zone' with women things are improving. I have found that confidence is what attracts women as women automatically associate confidence with manliness and also leadership (decisiveness). I am currently working on these traits.

Lack of appreciation is what led me to not becoming comfortable with who i was because I didn't appreciate the company of the people that I already had in my life. I obsessed the things I didn't have. So much about the billion+ women I didn't have in my life. I didn't appreciate the Rand that I had in my pocket because I obsessed about the Trillions I didn't have in my bank account. I didn't appreciate the talents that I have because I obsessed about the talents I didn't have when I looked at others. I would also magnify my failures above my successes. That was an unhealthy way to live. I needed to do something about it.

One of my female friends, Palesa, asked me the other day in a conversation - why I don't buy women anything - and I told her this: "A car can't smell your fragrance and tell you you smell good, nor can a diamond ring be able to complement your beautiful smile and you you are beautiful, A teddy bear can't comfort you the same way I can". This I said to emphasise the point that nothing can replace your value, if you teach a women to value inanimate objects above yourself then she definitely will not value you when those objects are gone. Giving a woman a chocolate slab is a good gesture but it doesn't make a woman feel any different about you and your value - To her her you're just the guy who gave her food. I learnt that there are better virtues to focus on as a man.

So I tackled this problem by first deciding to "get a life" and this was the type of life that was independant of anyone. I let go of this fixation I had to find women but focussed on finding myself. I later learnt to laugh at myself and learnt to smile as I was more at peace with who I was. I can't recount how many times I would look at myself in the mirror and genuinely say to myself: "Yoh this guy is a super stud!" - and it would come from the bottom of my heart.

In this I also learnt not to use my friends as cruches for my own insecurities but that I should be open to everyone despite who they are. In this I let go of my inferiority complex, where I would look up on others and down on myself; where I would resent people for being socially in-tune. I stopped resenting people for their progress in life; while I am too afraid to earn my own stripes nd work hard. In this I learnt to Humble myself, love and respect everyone without expecting love and respect back. Love, honesty and respect - I discovered where strengths of mine that I have been resisting and neglecting because of my bias towards the world.

I always saw myself as being in the bottom of the food chain and would feel so lucky when I had women who showed me the slightest interest and felt so bad when women would react in a bitchy way.

I learnt to listen more, and try to understand the person infront of me by putting aside all my self righteousness; hence I learnt to not judge anyone but see myself as a canduit for justification instead of condemnation. Since I started this process of transformation I started enjoying people's(men and women) company a bit more.

Back in the day I used to be afraid to greet a woman when he was with a man, nowadays I do it with love and freedom and the last women I dated was impressed by it.

In conclusion I would like to say that adopting love is the best way of disowning fear. When love becomes an impulse- more people are endeared to you, because that's simply the nature and effect of love to a person's life. Not only to have love for God, others and your environment but also love for yourself.

One of the ladies I recently dated, Tsholo, would be so baffled by how easily we and some of her friends got along - in just a few days it already felt like we've known each other for ages and she alluded that with most guys she meets, the situation usually becomes tense and ends up sour, this observation was a testimony to how the fear of rejection and fear of being yourself can limit the quality of your relationships with people.

My very close friend , Tshepo, would ask me how come I manage to chat comfortably with women who have "rigid personalities", and I answered him by saying: "there's no right way of doing things as long as you are doing them with the right intentions, instead of saying a nervous "hi!" to someone I would rather comment on what she's wearing and start a conversation from there. another important thing is to remove all judgementality and just embrace a person for who s/he is, pre -labelling someone as "uptight" isn't going to help with anything.

I also found that my lack of dependance on getting a womans positive reaction before continuing with a conversation may also be attributed to my new understanding and appreciation of myself(who I am), and a woman senses that and would in most cases reciprocate my behaviour her slight rude gestures are what they call 'shit tests' - you just simply ignore them. Approaching someone with love and respect is way much better than approaching them with hidden and vague intentions.

I have learnt a lot about life thus far and am still in the process of learning. Of what I've learnt so far I hope you will find useful to your life too!Until we meet again! thank you! please comment and share your thoughts.

Questions I need to know

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS SHIRT? is it funny? or is it disgusting? WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT GUYS WHO WEAR THEM?

advice, past and experiences

• WHAT ARE THE CHANCES The male to female ratio is 1.013:1 imagine if it was 1.013:0.5 the chances of one getting a woman would be much less. Now every man must not get it twisted what this ratio means is that for every single man out there’s bound to be one single woman waiting for you to sweep her away. But there is bound to be competition and what usually was the case with me is that I would recede into my cocoon and assume that a woman is already taken merely by virtue of her beauty alone and I would find that I would lose a lot of opportunities, very beautiful women are prone to be attracted by jerks who have no reservation and they end up getting these women merely because they know they have nothing to lose when they approach them. If you are a stand up guy and your inhibitions prevent you from getting the girl of your dreams because you don't want to hurt your ego because you are afraid of being dumped for another guy, think of it this way - If your girl dumps you for another guy then it will mean that there's one less person to compete for the next hot chick you are going to meet. • A BRIEF ACCOUNT I know a young woman who happens to be a reputable model in my region, in my pursuit for a romantic relationship with her, while we where still working together, she eluded to the resolution she had taken that she has decided to be single forever and it was because of a bad experience with a guy. Now I did not do the situation any justice by trying to impress her yet yielding to my low self-esteem and ignoring her in moments where she was obviously crying that I humour her. I kept on saying that all I wanted was to know her more but my actions didn’t reflect that. I failed to make her feel like she was my priority at that time, she gave me her numbers and I did not call because deep inside I had already written myself off and lost out on a potentially good relationship if not a good friendship. These are some of the tendencies I think I have learnt to overcome over time. • A FEW RULES FOR MEN which I’ve deduced from past romances: - When a woman says she is not ready for a relationship but gives you an opportunity to spend time with her don’t run away and give up, take that opportunity! it might be to test your true intentions with her, if you want a hit and run you can go to your nearest motel you’ll find it, a good woman is worth the wait! - Don’t dwell on the negatives but capitalise on the positives. She might give you mixed messages, don’t shy away with your tail between your legs but focus on the signs that she is willing to make you her guy. - Don’t compare yourself with other men, because you’ll most likely feel jealous and insecure when you see her with other men. Know that there is nothing wrong with you. For a guy to be rejected by a woman it is often as a result of an inferiority complex. Don’t try to be another person because the more you try to be someone else the more you remind your girl of the guy you are trying to be and when given the opportunity do you think she would choose you over the real thing? - Don’t suddenly pretend as if you are not interested when you’ve already made it clear to her that you are. - Every opportunity that you get to show her that she is you priority must be taken immediately, when you see her on her phone texting(walking alone) don’t just assume that she’s preoccupied and then ignore her and proceed to go along with your friends especially if those friends are women. - For a woman who is most probably getting sundry requests by men she is most likely to be undecided about which guy to go for. It is your responsibility to convince her that you are the guy she is looking for. Balanced consistency is important in the beginning. - When you ask a woman for her numbers, it is your responsibility to call, not hers. - Discover your worth(swag) beyond your money. I know women who keep confessing that they want to let go of their successful career boyfriends who’ve got money and fancy stuff but don’t have time. I remember in the days when I used to wash cars in my hometown, in my spare time, there used to be a lady(very beautiful) who was married to one of my clients who worked for a dealership, fairly rich and possessive the guy was, it didn’t prevent the woman from making passes at me(giving me huge tips and making funny gestures) when she came to for her regular visits to her husband at work and the most amazing event was when she offered one of my good friends at that time(a carguard) that he come and visit her for a “private party” this happened more than one occasion. I don’t know whether he obliged or not. So the moral of the story is that money can’t buy you love! - The stereotypes about beautiful women are obscure and misleading, so don’t ever underestimate a woman’s intelligence because she can sense your condescending attitude. In communication it is said that you have the power to marginalize and empower, so the more you underestimate a woman the more you are NOT going to listen to what she has to say and when you do you’ll disregard it and I don’t think you’ll get any love from intelligent women if you don’t respect their opinion. - Don’t be desperate for sex because you’ll end up compromising on your own values and personality and you are most likely to be afraid of saying the wrong things and she is less likely to be interested in a clingy desperate person who has ulterior motives. Now I ask myself where I would have been by now in my relationship with the opposite sex had I just understood that there’s nothing to lose, It is easy to just conclude that a woman is way out of your league and then settle for second best and looking at the ratio alone you are naturally forcing the woman you are gunning for to settle for second best by not approaching her. • PERSONAL IMPROVEMENTS AND CHANGES Now very recently I notched up my image a bit and got a Mohawk some shampoo and good hair lotion, some nice cologne, groomed my facial hair, coordinated my wardrobe, walked upright and boldly, smiled a bit more and improved my body language and I kept it consistent. I am no longer intimidated by confident women as I found that confidence (not pride) is the thing I find as one of the most appealing about women. A woman’s confidence has been for some reason been a barrier for me because I myself was not confident. A confident woman stands for what she believes in and you see it in the way she walks and talks she doesn’t have anything to prove to you she is who she is, she has standards and doesn’t compromise. Don’t confuse confidence with arrogance and pride, nothing irritates than a woman who finds solace for her own inadequacies in marginalising others, I think it is very pathetic and such women I don’t find attractive. My other improvement was that in my engagements with women I don’t act as if they are not important anymore and I don’t engage with women for the mere potential of having them as my girlfriend. I do not see them as more of a person or less of a person than I am. And I used to be reserved and unwilling to be my true self around women and that led to my demise. Now in my interactions with women that I like: I am less conscious of past failures and bad experiences and more interested in creating new experiences and exploring the person beyond exploring the woman. I’ve stopped talking and started listening more and it really works. I remember the serious unapproachable persona I used to portray when I was with women I that liked romantically and also my reliance in my physical features for interaction with women and remember how ineffective this approach was. I remember how I used to have a huge head when women told me that I am handsome and how that affected me at a later stage because I became shallow and when I started hearing women tell me that I like acting like a charmer-boy and when they stopped telling me that I am a charmer-boy it really shook me up and I receded into my little cocoon, my low self-esteem was aggravated by the fact that I was still an adolescent and undergoing treacherous hormonal changes. Well basically I did some introspecting and got rid of the mess and now I am seeing the results and I am more cool in my skin and these changes are attracting attractive women to me and I am delighted by the amount of fun I have interacting with them.

The beginning of WomenAreGold

My name is Thato, I am a Varsity student, but in the multiplicity of subject matters to analyse none is more intriguing than that of the woman. Unlike many guys whatever age they are I am tired of doing it by trial and error. I want to be the master of the mack in my own right. So what better way to do so than to conduct a thesis and publish my findings on this blog. I am excited about this blog, because I know it will be helpful to guys like me who have lived most of their lives wondering what really happens in the minds of this fascinating creature called: "the woman", guys who really want to improve their chances of striking the one thing that is more valuable than attaining fortune and gold and that is a good woman - particularly the one who stands out - the women with impecable taste and amazing beauty who weakens the legs of rugged men. This woman might be yoour next door neighbour you call "friend" but know deep inside that you would kill a bull in order to have her as your significant other. In this blog I will be asking women who are generally appealing to us men, the questions we men want and need to ask and the answers we need to hear. these women's profiles will not be revealed so as to get honest and honest feedback from our subjects but you can decide whether or not you want to take this vital information or leave it. But I know one thing for sure that I will have tons of fun mining this knowledge! I for one am pursuing such a woman and in my attempt I will be gathering vital information. About this cunning creature which effortlessly charms any beast which falls under the description of "man" to it's knees. I want to help us get to grips of what women expect of us and how we can avoid the embarrasment associated with trial and error when it comes to relationships with our females counterparts. Being a South African, I am from a country which boasts of it's abundant mineral wealth, Gold in particular, but we also boast of the most beautiful women in the world(I dare you to prove me wrong). The name of this blog is reminiscent of man's most prominent weakness which is a beautiful woman, we prospect this resource and once we find out where it could be we don't stop until we actually get it. but yet again we need to know more about that which we are looking for so that we are better capable of mastering the skill of mining this perculiar resource. A good woman is to a man what the sun is to the sky, or water is to the fountain. Though we may try to deny it but they got us smitten. Smitten I tell you, lynched!